80% of employees have never been trained for difficult conversations
When you promote someone to manager, you teach them to run a budget and keep a calendar. On “how do you hold a dismissal meeting,” they are usually left on their own.
Research by the UK-based Chartered Management Institute (CMI) among 2,000 people shows how common difficult conversations are at work. Even so, 80% of respondents say they have had no formal training in how to handle them.1
A more recent CMI study with YouGov paints a similar picture: 82% of those who become managers have had no formal management or leadership training. CMI calls them “accidental managers.”2
- have had no formal training for difficult conversations
- 80%
- became managers without any management training
- 82%
What happens without training?
The outcome is plain. According to the same CMI research, 57% of respondents say they would do almost anything to avoid a difficult conversation, and 52% would rather put up with a negative situation at work than talk about it.1
Those who do have the conversation fare no better: 43% of senior managers admit to losing their temper and shouting in one, and 40% to panicking and telling a lie.1
- would do almost anything to avoid a difficult conversation
- 57%
- of senior managers: lost their temper and shouted
- 43%
- of senior managers: panicked and told a lie
- 40%
What do we fear most?
CMI also asked respondents what scares them most in a difficult conversation. At the top of the list: not knowing how the other person will respond.1
- Not knowing how the other person will respond43%
- Not being able to get your point across clearly31%
- Being caught in a confrontation29%
- Getting upset or emotional yourself29%
- The other person getting upset or emotional21%
What stands out in the list: all five fears are about the conversation itself, not about knowledge. Knowing what to say is not enough; these fears do not ease until you have lived the moment.
These are not ill-intentioned people. They are people who never had a chance to rehearse. On questions like “what do you say to someone who is always late,” a manager usually makes the first attempt with a real employee.
CMI’s four tips
CMI gives managers four tips, remembered by the acronym TALK:1
Think about how you frame it.
Do not label it “difficult” from the start. The subject may be tricky; by offering solutions and alternatives, you can focus on a constructive outcome.
Always use clear, neutral language.
Keep it simple and free of judgement; rely on specific examples and facts.
Listen.
Really hear what the other person is saying; show that you care how they see things.
Keep the focus on the issue, not the person.
What you are discussing is a behaviour or a situation, not the person in front of you.
These four tips are easy to read. The hard part is remembering them while your heart is racing and the other person has gone on the defensive.
A place where the wrong sentence costs nothing
Atlas Talks exists to fill this gap: before you face a real employee, you live through a similar scenario somewhere safe. When you get a sentence wrong, nobody quits and nobody sues. You are simply better prepared for your next attempt.
Sources
- Chartered Management Institute, “The best strategies for difficult workplace conversations”, 29 July 2015managers.org.uk/knowledge-and-insights/article/the-best-strategies-for-difficult-workplace-conversations
- Chartered Management Institute, “Taking responsibility: why UK plc needs better managers”, October 2023managers.org.uk/knowledge-and-insights/research/better-management-report-take-responsibility-take-action